Due to our pronatalist society, there is an overwhelming message that without children, a woman's life has no purpose or meaning. I don't believe this, but I have felt this. We are unconsciously receiving and believing societal messages all the time. Unpacking, exploring and re-writing unconsciously held beliefs is a big part of integrating grief and opening up to the possibilities of a happy childless life. But where to start?

Through a relationship with the natural world, we are reminded of the impermanence of all things and that we are not spared from these cycles. For me, this gives grief a rightful place.

What does it mean to face the reality of living a childless life?

Does it mean you must accept you will be sad forever?

Does it mean you must accept being treated as less than because you aren't a mother?

Does it mean you must accept not having holidays off work so your colleagues can spend that time with their children?

Acceptance is an often misunderstood concept as it relates to grief and childlessness. Practicing acceptance doesn't mean that you feel good about being childless. It doesn't mean that the losses along the path to living a childless life don't affect you anymore. It doesn't mean that you will never feel sadness. Acceptance isn't an endorsement of your childlessness. It also isn't a static state which you reach, and the other stations or experiences of grief disappear.

Life isn’t going to look like I wanted it to. I’m not able to have the child that I wanted, but who knows what’s next? And it’s clear I can’t go on like I am. Maybe it’s time to find new possibilities.

Here's the truth: your inherent worth and value are not tied to having children or your childlessness. In this article, we will explore the steps you can take to embrace your childless identity, discover your passions, and build a rich life with purpose and fulfillment. There is so much more to your story than childlessness.

I share my childless story and how I dug deep into my experience with yoga and embodiment practices to reconnect with myself, find self-compassion and move towards acceptance of myself and my body.

Even if our journeys to childlessness aren’t the same, I know the mind-body connection is crucial in uncovering the confidence needed to step forward on the childless path.

The grief of childlessness is a complex and individual experience that can manifest in various ways. Each type of grief deserves attention and support from loved ones and professionals. It is important to remember that there is no right or wrong way to grieve, and everyone should be allowed to process their emotions in their own time and manner.

You are undoubtedly familiar with the words and concept of 'being triggered.' It refers to a cue or event that precipitates difficult emotions.

Conversely, glimmers are still a cue, but they help bring you back into feelings of safety and happiness. Recognizing and identifying glimmers can make the childless, not by choice, journey less daunting and more manageable.

Childlessness comes with many challenges that require you to take care of yourself. There is a lot of buzz about self-care these days, and I often see acts of self-soothing being mistaken for habits of self-care. Both are important, but knowing the difference between them is equally important.

The grief of childlessness is a complex and individual experience that can manifest in various ways. Each type of grief deserves attention and support from loved ones and professionals. It is important to remember that there is no right or wrong way to grieve, and everyone should be allowed to process their emotions in their own time and manner.

Ever wonder why you feel terrible after significant trigger events, such as Mother's Day, holidays and personal dates of significance?

Apart from the obvious answer that that tentacles of childless grief reach beyond the significant days themselves, you are likely experiencing an emotional hangover.

I know the day and those surrounding Mother’s Day are some of the hardest in the year for childless women. In light of this, and understanding the positive impact of both tender and fierce self-compassion in my life, I have opened free access to the Self-Compassion for Childless not by Choice Women Course.

The grief of childlessness is complex and multifaceted. Depending on the individual, circumstances, and cultural context, it can manifest in various ways.

This post is the first in an ongoing series about childless not by choice grief.

I will look at the 16 types of grief and how they relate to the childless, not by choice experience. This post looks at the first three:

Normal Grief

Anticipatory Grief

Complicated Grief

Being childless wasn't in my plan; if you are here, it wasn't in your plan either. Yet, despite our plans, here we are. Now what?

It is necessary to look at the losses, cultivate a relationship with grief, AND find a way to have a fulfilling, purposeful life without the children you wanted.

How do you create a fulfilling, purposeful life?

With tender yet fierce self-compassion.

Tender to offer ourselves the kindness and understanding that we need and desire. Fierce to help mobilize us and act in the world to alleviate suffering, ours and others.

I have known about the concept of self-acceptance and self-love for a long time; it has been a big struggle to feel this. Being childless, not by choice, plays a big part as, for many years, I resented my body and desperately wanted my situation to be different.

And even though I'm closer than I've ever been in the past, I feel self-acceptance and a feeling of belonging is an ongoing daily awareness and practice.

You don't have to have children to be considered a family or part of a family. There are many unconscious beliefs that we need to unpack to survive and thrive as childless women, and the idea of what constitutes a family is one of them.

The grief of childlessness is ambiguous and complicated. Often unrecognized and disenfranchised by ourselves and others. Recognizing grief and giving it attention is essential to finding acceptance in your childless life.

During acute grief of childlessness, I was caught off guard and triggered by the kid's question, and it was awful. I felt I had to explain why I didn't have kids. Unfortunately, I usually gave too much information, which invited more questions I didn't want to answer. I felt exposed, raw and cornered. I wanted to say 'no' and walk away, but I couldn't. It felt too confrontational. I felt that 'No' wasn't a good enough answer as it didn't communicate the depths of my feelings.

I feel differently now.

Social media is a minefield for childless people. There is a constant barrage of images depicting what you want and don't have, but it doesn't have to be that way. Taking control of what you expose yourself to is in your best interest. Of course, you can't wholly insulate yourself from having big emotions in relation to the world around you, but you can implement protection strategies while you work through your childless grief.