Navigating Social Media as a Childless Woman
It's okay to unfriend, unfollow and snooze social media friends and pages.
In fact, I recommend it.
You probably thought about doing this but felt guilty or ashamed and did not follow through. If you were looking for permission to do so, here it is. Now you have it.
Social media is a minefield for childless people. There is a constant barrage of images depicting what you want and don't have, but it doesn't have to be that way. Taking control of what you expose yourself to is in your best interest. Of course, you can't wholly insulate yourself from having big emotions in relation to the world around you, but you can implement protection strategies while you work through your childless grief.
In Yoga, one of the ethical codes of conduct is Ahima or non-harming. This concept applies to how we treat others, the world around us, and ourselves. At first, it seems harsh to think that you might be harming yourself with social media, but think of how you feel after 20 minutes of doom scrolling on Facebook. Do you feel good? Do you feel uplifted and rejuvenated?
I guess the answer is no.
How can you curate your social media experience, so you don't inadvertently hurt yourself?
Unfriend, unfollow and snooze.
Your friend list is likely made up of many levels of "friends." Family members, old friends, current friends, acquaintances, old work colleagues, current work colleagues, your old pilates teacher, that person you sat next to at your cousin's wedding, plus people you don't even know and some you don't like! If it upsets you, you do not have to witness these people's lives. It is time to take control.
Unfriend
Start with the people you don't actually know or don't like and unfriend them. I bet there are many folks on your friends list you haven't spoken to in years (and you don't plan on reaching out to), but still see every pic of the latest birthday party, family vacation and milestone. They won't know you unfriended them, so it likely won't hurt their feelings, but you will protect yours.
Unfollow
This is for those folks on your list that you feel you can't or don't want to unfriend but don't want to see any of their posts. Unfollowing them stops their posts from showing up in your timeline. However, they will still see yours (if they follow you), and you can visit their profile to see their posts. Then, if, later on, you decide you want to see their posts again, you can follow them.
Snooze
Snoozing has the same effect as unfollowing someone but only lasts 30 days. After that time, their posts will show up in your feed again.
Eradicate
If you don't have the time or the capacity to go through your list person by person, eliminate the whole newsfeed with the free Google Chrome extension Newsfeed Eradicator. This plug-in hides the newsfeed, but you can still access all your groups, friends and pages. But you have to navigate to them intentionally. I am not an affiliate of Google or this extension, but I love it so much that I promote it. When using this tool, you can access all the benefits of social media without the drawbacks of seeing triggering or emotionally disruptive images or posts. This is especially helpful at upsetting times such as Christmas, Mother's Day and back to school.
Create a Newsfeed That Fills You Up
There are many childless people and groups to follow that will fill your newsfeed with sentiments and perspectives that you can relate to. In addition, childless groups are an excellent opportunity for connection and support. For example, I co-admin the Facebook group, Childless By Circumstance, Not By Choice and would love to connect with you there.
However you decide to engage with social media, I encourage you to practice self-compassion and ahimsa. If it is causing more harm than joy, it is an opportunity to take control and do things differently.
I'd love to hear how you take back control. Let me know here.
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