Family: A Childless Woman’s Perspective

You don't have to have children to be considered a family or part of a family. 

Familial relationships are complex, and, as a result, your family probably doesn't look like the picture-perfect nuclear family that we are led to believe everyone else has.

I wonder if anyone actually has this! 

There are many unconscious beliefs that we need to unpack to survive and thrive as childless women, and the idea of what constitutes a family is one of them. 

By marriage, I am fortunate to be connected to the Jewish community where I live. There is a beautiful Jewish tradition of recognizing and creating "Mishpacha" (Hebrew) or "Mishpokhe" (Yiddish). The straightforward meaning is family, but it doesn't only refer to blood relatives; it has a more profound sense of connection beyond blood relations. Because of this perspective, I am welcomed in, included and cared for even though I am not Jewish.

I value this way of thinking and being, especially as a childless woman, as limiting our concept of family to only those we are related to by blood or marriage limits our opportunity to include and be included. In turn, this limits our sense of belonging, a source of deep grief as a childless woman. 

Inviting yourself to belong is the first step towards working with this deep grief. In the context of family, this starts with looking at your beliefs about what constitutes a family. Can you broaden your definition of family to invite yourself into belonging?

I did a quick brainstorm of possible family combinations:

• You and your partner.

• You and your dog(s), cat(s) and/or rabbit(s) (goats, horses, chickens, birds, sheep, snake, lizard, fish, ferret, rat or any other animal you live with!).

• You and your parent(s).

• You, your parent(s) and your sibling(s).

• You and your best friend(s).

• You, your best friend and their parents.

• You, your partner and their faith community.

• You and your Aunt(s) and/or Uncle(s).

• You and your partner's parent(s).

• You, your parent(s), your sibling(s) and their child or children.

• You, your partner and their child/children.

• You, your partner, and their Aunt(s) and/or Uncle(s)

• You and your sports community.

• You, your Aunt(s) and/or Uncle(s), your cousin(s) and their child or children.

• You and your _________ community (fill in the blank)

• You, your partner, and your partners sibling(s) and their child or children.

• You, your partner, your sibling(s), and their child or children.

• You, your partner and your sibling(s).

• You and your faith community.

• You, your partner, your sibling(s) and their child or children, plus your partner’s sibling(s) and their child or children.

• You and the community you volunteer with.

• You and your neighbours.

What combinations would you add? How can you broaden your perspective on what constitutes a family?

How does this broadened perspective invite you to experience warmth, generosity and belonging?

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