Due to our pronatalist society, there is an overwhelming message that without children, a woman's life has no purpose or meaning. I don't believe this, but I have felt this. We are unconsciously receiving and believing societal messages all the time. Unpacking, exploring and re-writing unconsciously held beliefs is a big part of integrating grief and opening up to the possibilities of a happy childless life. But where to start?

Through a relationship with the natural world, we are reminded of the impermanence of all things and that we are not spared from these cycles. For me, this gives grief a rightful place.

This article looks at disenfranchised grief and secondary loss. These types of loss describe the childless not-by-choice experience so well. When I heard about these types of grief, I sighed in relief as I found validation of my feelings and my experience.

The grief of childlessness is a complex and individual experience that can manifest in various ways. Each type of grief deserves attention and support from loved ones and professionals. It is important to remember that there is no right or wrong way to grieve, and everyone should be allowed to process their emotions in their own time and manner.

Childlessness comes with many challenges that require you to take care of yourself. There is a lot of buzz about self-care these days, and I often see acts of self-soothing being mistaken for habits of self-care. Both are important, but knowing the difference between them is equally important.

This article is the third in a series about childless grief, where I look at the 16 types of grief and how they relate to the childless, not by-choice experience.

Grief is a natural and universal human experience. However, the grief of childlessness is complex and multifaceted. It can manifest in various ways depending on the individual, circumstances, and cultural context.

The grief of childlessness is a complex and individual experience that can manifest in various ways. Each type of grief deserves attention and support from loved ones and professionals. It is important to remember that there is no right or wrong way to grieve, and everyone should be allowed to process their emotions in their own time and manner.

Ever wonder why you feel terrible after significant trigger events, such as Mother's Day, holidays and personal dates of significance?

Apart from the obvious answer that that tentacles of childless grief reach beyond the significant days themselves, you are likely experiencing an emotional hangover.

The grief of childlessness is complex and multifaceted. Depending on the individual, circumstances, and cultural context, it can manifest in various ways.

This post is the first in an ongoing series about childless not by choice grief.

I will look at the 16 types of grief and how they relate to the childless, not by choice experience. This post looks at the first three:

Normal Grief

Anticipatory Grief

Complicated Grief

The grief of childlessness is ambiguous and complicated. Often unrecognized and disenfranchised by ourselves and others. Recognizing grief and giving it attention is essential to finding acceptance in your childless life.

During acute grief of childlessness, I was caught off guard and triggered by the kid's question, and it was awful. I felt I had to explain why I didn't have kids. Unfortunately, I usually gave too much information, which invited more questions I didn't want to answer. I felt exposed, raw and cornered. I wanted to say 'no' and walk away, but I couldn't. It felt too confrontational. I felt that 'No' wasn't a good enough answer as it didn't communicate the depths of my feelings.

I feel differently now.

Social media is a minefield for childless people. There is a constant barrage of images depicting what you want and don't have, but it doesn't have to be that way. Taking control of what you expose yourself to is in your best interest. Of course, you can't wholly insulate yourself from having big emotions in relation to the world around you, but you can implement protection strategies while you work through your childless grief.

I really felt that healing my relationship with my body was a huge piece that I was just missing. I hadn't really realized it. And I realized that it wasn't really talked about in any of the support or the literature around pregnancy loss and being childless, not by choice.

No one else will make space for your grief if you don't. It will not go away if unfaced; it will come out in confusing ways. Creating space for your grief can look many different ways. It can be journaling about how you feel; it can be taking time to feel what you feel without shutting it down; it can be done alone; it can be done in a group.

You may not be able to have the holiday season go how you want it, but what can you plan and do for yourself within the bigger picture?

I was chatting with a new friend the other day; she is going to stay with relatives for a week over the holidays and (for many reasons) was dreading it to the point of fantasizing about not going at all.

We brainstormed a list of things she could do to take control of her time, set some boundaries and get the support she knew she would need.

This brainstorm included the following:

We are getting a tree, even though my husband is ambivalent. That's right; We are getting a tree because I want to.

I love the smell of the tree, the twinkly lights, the sparkly ornaments and how it brightens up our entire living room.

Reconnecting with my body has been critical to integrating grief and learning to accept childlessness and myself. It hasn't been easy; at times, it has been a painful process but one that is well worth exploring.

Being a childless stepmom is a no (wo) man's land. It's a shape-shifting identity without a solid place to anchor, to ground. I have a foot in both the childless and parent worlds, but I often don't feel that I entirely belong or am fully accepted in either.

The heartbreak that comes with childlessness is vast. At times it feels impossible to live with and that it will always feel this way. I understand these feelings. I also know that a life without the children I wanted can be happy, fulfilling and purposeful.

Here are seven ways to heal childless grief and open up to the possibilities of life.

In this episode, we talked about childless journeys, reconnecting with the body, the importance of seeing our experiences reflected around us, and more.