Reclaim the Holidays: a childless woman’s perspective pt.2
Make plans and have things to do.
You may not be able to have the holiday season go how you want it, but what can you plan and do to reclaim the holidays?
I was chatting with a new friend the other day; she is going to stay with relatives for a week over the holidays and (for many reasons) was dreading it to the point of fantasizing about not going at all.
We brainstormed a list of things she could do to take control of her time, set some boundaries and get the support she knew she would need.
This brainstorm included the following:
Taking work to do, so she could excuse herself and ground herself in something she loved and was good at.
Arranging a call with a supportive friend she knows will listen and give her the support she needs.
Letting another friend she texts with know she will likely be texting more to vent and create distraction.
Spend time thinking about the inevitable questions around expanding her family ahead of time and craft some responses that she feels good about. Practice saying them out loud.
Schedule an appointment with a counsellor for mid-way through the week to check-in.
Taking a really good book and or magazines to occupy herself with.
Signing up for some yoga classes at the local studio or practicing with her regular teacher online.
Taking the family dog on some long walks.
Going out for some solo time with her partner.
Checking out a local art gallery or museum exhibit.
She isn't going to do all of these; they are options. In stressful situations, it can be hard to figure out what we need, but having a list we can refer to helps us feel grounded and in control.
We also discussed approaching the list and seeking self-care with curiosity and kindness, thinking of it as an experiment and taking some time afterwards to reflect.
What did you choose to do, and how did it feel in the moment?
Did it soothe in the way you hoped?
Would you choose this again in the future?
Why?
Why not?
From this experience, she can build what I call 'A toolbox.' A master list of strategies and activities that she can refer to in times of need.
What activities or ideas are going on your list this year?
I am staying close to home for the holidays, and while some of the ideas on my friend's list will be on mine, I have other ideas to add. I will share them in the next installment of this Reclaim the Holidays blog series.
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