I will be at home without obligations to extended family; I can spend my time how I want.

In the past, all this freedom felt overwhelming. I felt left out, which was another reminder of what I didn't have. But, over the years, as I work to integrate the grief of childlessness, I have become delighted with this freedom.

However, it is grounding to keep elements of my routine the same.

You may not be able to have the holiday season go how you want it, but what can you plan and do for yourself within the bigger picture?

I was chatting with a new friend the other day; she is going to stay with relatives for a week over the holidays and (for many reasons) was dreading it to the point of fantasizing about not going at all.

We brainstormed a list of things she could do to take control of her time, set some boundaries and get the support she knew she would need.

This brainstorm included the following:

We are getting a tree, even though my husband is ambivalent. That's right; We are getting a tree because I want to.

I love the smell of the tree, the twinkly lights, the sparkly ornaments and how it brightens up our entire living room.