New Year, Same You, But More Tired
Phew! We made it through another holiday season.
How did you fair?
Thankfully, the season was pretty quiet for me. I could do what I wanted and even found joy along the way. But now I am tired and have an emotional hangover from the whole thing.
I always feel this way at the beginning of a new year and am mystified by the surge of energy that others seem to have for creating new routines and setting great intentions. I am not there.
I am in deep winter mode, resting, sleeping and reflecting.
I know this goes against the grain, but I am not working hard to produce the energy promoted at this time of year. The days are still dark, and this is a time for resting and nesting. If we take our cues from the natural world around us, we see that not much is yet springing to life; that will come later.
Fueled by capitalism, the dominant culture is obsessed with constant growth, constant movement forwards and improvement. I find this exhausting and toxic. Who does it serve to have women in a continuous state of unworthiness, feeling like they need to be different?
As a childless woman, I already feel less than in the eyes of the pro-natalist culture, so I refuse to participate in the 'New Year, New You' BS!
Apart from the fact that I don't need to produce a new version of myself, when is the time for resting, digesting and letting there be a time of nothingness?
There is a lot of messaging to let things go and create something new, which is essential, but what about the time between those two steps?
I believe that we are in that time right now.
I am still at the stage of reflecting and remembering the previous year. It ended only a few days ago and was a big year!
How is everyone supposed to be over it already?
I am certainly not.
To help bring some structure to my reflection, I use a free tool called "The Year Compass ." I work through it slowly over the first couple of weeks in the New Year, soaking in all the memories (good and not so good) and understandings gained in the previous year. As a result, it is often the end of January before I start on the year ahead portion.
I make space for the hard memories as part of my grief work. Touching in on the days I would rather forget helps me heal in the long run by maintaining a relationship with my grief that gives it space to show up. The reflection and integration of our memories and experiences cannot be rushed; otherwise, we miss out on vital healing.
Making space for all expressions of big feelings - happy and sad - increases our capacity to be with all emotions, a valuable life skill. I take my time, doing a little daily or every couple of days. I am gentle with myself and weave in the practice of self-compassion. I know the excitement and energy of planning are still to come, but it's not here yet, and I have learned to find comfort in this liminal space.
How do you work with this transition from one year to the next?
